 Fuel, food, raw materials and intermediate products are getting more expensive. It's the best time to renegotiate your own terms. If you don't, you'll miss valuable opportunities to improve your business position - and let others take the lead.
In this article, you will learn why the human brain dislikes negotiating, why compromise is always the worst choice, and why empathetic negotiators can beat even the toughest negotiators. I will also share five concrete negotiation tips to help you find the best solution for both parties without compromising. These tips are based on the US bestseller "Never Split The Difference" by former FBI chief negotiator, entrepreneur, and negotiation coach Chris Voss. The human brain does not like to negotiate. If you're like me, the thought of an upcoming negotiation doesn't necessarily make you excited. If we think about it for a moment, that seems strange. The chance of getting what we want after a negotiation should be reason enough for us to go into such a situation with joy. Yet we feel inner resistance rather than excitement; this is the case even with the best salespeople. Brain research explains why this is so: every negotiation means hard work for our data center – and that contradicts the core goal of our brain to save energy. Negotiation situations are a balancing act between the joy of getting something (gain) and the pain of having to give something up (loss). Since gain and loss are processed in different regions of the brain, these regions must communicate intensively with each other during negotiations, requiring an enormous amount of working memory. Understandably, our brain would rather avoid such a neural feat of strength – thus forego the chance of winning a successful negotiation. The good news is, like any muscle, you can train the interaction between these two neural systems. So it's worth regularly putting yourself in negotiation situations and challenging your brain. Compromises are always the worst choice. Negotiations are successful when both sides emerge as winners. In other words, they aim for a classic win-win scenario. And that's a good thing. However, many people confuse such a win-win scenario with making compromises. That's wrong! "Negotiations are not about compromises, but about finding out the other party's red line," says former BKA negotiator and current negotiation coach Thorsten Hoffmann. It's not a case of "I'll give you a little, and you'll give me a little." That way, everyone gets something, but neither gets enough or what they actually want. Losses outweigh gains What makes things even more difficult is an exciting psychological phenomenon: loss aversion. When making compromises, everyone must give up something important to them. That is not easy because nobody likes to lose - even if they gain something else in the process. Think about it for a moment: You win a contract worth 50,000 dollars. Are you happy? Indeed – for a day or two. You lose a contract worth 50,000 dollars to a competitor a week later. Does that annoy you? And how – probably for the whole week. Our brains have double standards regarding gains and losses, and it has been proven that losses are more important than gains. This is why compromises such as "we meet in the middle" do not feel like success but leave a bitter aftertaste. Tactical empathy beats "tough dogs." Hollywood films have shaped our image of successful negotiators. They are the tough guys who stick to their position without compromise—the cunning opponents who spot the weakness of their negotiating partners and then exploit it cold-bloodedly. The atmosphere is tense; the camps harden, no one trusts the other, and no one gives in. Who stands firm? Who gives in first? Please put yourself in such a negotiation situation: To which person would you be more likely to make concessions?
In his bestseller Never Split The Difference, former FBI negotiator Chris Voss writes that people are more likely to make concessions and deviate from their own negotiating position if they feel understood, respected, and valued by their counterparts. He shares nine negotiation principles that have made him successful over the years. I want to introduce you to five of them. Five tips on how to negotiate successfully without compromising How can two parties reach an agreement if they don't make concessions and compromises to each other? Instead of trying to narrow your two conflicting ideas until you reach the lowest common denominator, work out a new, mutually acceptable agreement. Tip No. 1: Break down the barriers. Don't think in terms of fronts and avoid language that conveys "mine" versus "yours," "right" versus "wrong," "good" versus "bad." Presenting a solution as your idea versus your counterpart's, as right versus wrong, creates an antagonistic environment. Neither party can make concessions without sacrificing autonomy and integrity in such an environment. Instead of presenting your solution at the beginning of a negotiation, focus on building trust and gaining a more comprehensive understanding of your counterpart's point of view. Read the following four points to learn how to do this. Tip #2: Get the other person to say, "Yes, exactly!" You've probably experienced this before: While your counterpart is still arguing, you're already preparing your counter-argument in your head. What happens is that you stop really listening; this prevents mutual understanding from developing. If the person you are talking to does not feel heard and understood sufficiently, they will not be able to absorb what you have to say because their mind is still focused on themselves and their concerns. So listen carefully, ask questions, and paraphrase what the other person says until you really understand their core motivation. Only then can the other person say, "Yes, exactly," and be ready to listen to you from now on. Tip #3: Collect valuable information using the mirror technique. You want your counterpart to open up and give you more information about their real motives, their goal, where the no-gos are and where you can find hidden levers that can positively impact your negotiations. The mirror technique is easy and excellent for getting the other person to talk without interrogating them. It works like this:
What happens: This simple questioning technique allows you to dig deeper and gather helpful information without being intrusive. Your questions make the other person feel heard and valued. The fact that you use the exact words brings you closer together again and breaks down the barriers. Tip No. 4: "Label" your conversation partner's feelings. Decisions in negotiations always involve emotions. Discover your counterpart's emotions, address them, and give them a "label." For example, "It sounds to me as if…" or "That sounds to me as if…" With this technique, you can get your conversation partner to talk about these feelings and explain themselves further. Not only do you collect valuable information, but you also build trust and can, therefore, steer the negotiation in the right direction. Tip #5: Find the "black swans". Chris Voss calls the hidden information about our negotiating partners "black swans" that show us what they fear or desire most. They are usually beyond our assumptions, flash up as fragments of information during the talks and have the potential to turn a negotiation entirely in our favour. There are three types of such levers:
Consider:
If you cannot find levers in your preparation, use the mirror technique and labelling described above to gather more information about your negotiating partner. If you want to understand your counterpart's motives, listen carefully, ask questions, and paraphrase, you will sooner or later discover "black swans." Use them. Conclusion If you – like me – like to scroll straight to the end of an article, here are the essential findings summarized again:
If you're interested in reading more of Olaf articles please visit the website link above. (Please note that Olaf's site is in German but Google translate does an excellent job of instantly translating it to English.) How can a great business, growth & executive team coach help you grow a thriving company? To find out what areas a qualified executive team coach can help you improve in to grow more easily, quickly and profitability, AND enjoy the ride, try our complimentary Agile Growth Checklist. This self-service questionnaire takes 5 to 10 minutes to complete. You'll receive the checklist with your responses immediately. Within 24 hours, you'll receive a compiled report highlighting areas to improve. Find out how your company is doing in each of the 7 areas needed to produce more rapid, profitable and sustainable growth. This report is complementary and involves no obligation. Comments are closed.
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